Listen, I know for most of us, the minute you saw this topic, you could relate to it. Trust is a remarkably interesting concept: it takes time to build but is easily lost and difficult to regain. It’s like one of your mirrors - it’s whole, easy to look into, and you trust the image you see. However, what happens when it’s broken? It’s hard to fix and look into because pieces are missing. It becomes increasingly difficult to trust what you’re seeing. You are probably thinking about all the people you trusted, but they proved themselves untrustworthy along the way. It is not easy opening up to someone when that thought is gnawing you in the back of your mind. Will they do it again? Can I trust you?
“Trust me”. Even when we want to regain that trust, we are knowingly and, at times, unknowingly causing them to jump through hoops to remove that sense of insecurity. Maybe if we had superpowers, we could read their minds and trust without hesitation. But the sad fact is we live in a world where trust is broken and promises sometimes go unfulfilled. All is not lost. The question is, if trust is broken, what can we do to mend it? Terry Gaspard, MSW, LICSW expresses that “Trust is about much more than finding signs that your partner has been unfaithful. It’s about believing that they have your best interests at heart" in her article, What to Do if You Don't Trust Each Other.
Believe it or not, we must find ways of rebuilding that trust that’s been shattered.
In most cases, when someone breaks our trust, when we encounter that person, there is a silent, sometimes loud narrative playing in our minds: “You're going to mess up again,” even when we haven’t given them the opportunity to show us that they are trying.
Don’t get me wrong, they have their part to play in helping to rebuild the trust they have broken, but I feel in most cases, the injured tend to fall into the trap of feeling that there is nothing they can do. Gaspard makes a profound statement in the article mentioned earlier: "Many relationships are sabotaged by self-fulfilling prophecies. If you believe your partner will hurt you, you can unconsciously encourage hurt to emerge in your relationship. But day by day, if you learn to operate from a viewpoint that your partner loves you and wants the best for you, you can enjoy trust in your marriage.” I'm sure many of us have had that experience of others breaking our trust, whether it's family, a spouse, partner, or a friend. We desire to turn back the hands of time to when the relationship felt more secure.
Gaspard shares seven helpful tips I want to quote here that may get the ball rolling in helping you rebuild the trust in your relationships. I recommend clicking on the hyperlinked article to really gain a full of understanding of the breadth of Gaspard's tips, as there is so much more to it than just these statements:
I hope that this has given you a glimmer of hope in being able to mend the trust within your relationships. Is it an easy road? No, it's not, but every journey starts with one step. How about we take it together?
Link to the article hyperlinked above: https://www.gottman.com/blog/what-to-do-if-you-dont-trust-each-other/
RM
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